If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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