and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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