i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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