My first STD was from a foam party
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
