Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
