It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
