He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
bring money and cleavage
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
