I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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