I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we're making bets on your personal life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
