he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
