I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
