NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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