I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize