Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
