Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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