She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
