Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're facebook friends in real life
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
