I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
