Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
