fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
