Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
