Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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