I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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