Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
