A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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