I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
