i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
