people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
