So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
