oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sext me about skeletons
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
