Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
