Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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