It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
