someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
