Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
