Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize