i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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