No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
wow bdsm is so cute
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
