At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
