At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
