Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize