the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
