I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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