Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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