When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
