I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
