I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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