she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
