dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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