walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
