maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
