Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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