Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
