How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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