just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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