well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
