I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so let's talk penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
