awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize