I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
