I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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