I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
