I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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