Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
