I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
