I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
