I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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