It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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