shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
