is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
