His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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