Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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