we have pet lesbian snakes
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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