I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
