So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
