I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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