dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
