I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I had to cum in my sink.
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