my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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