I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The ass gains better be worth it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
