I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize