"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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