im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my being single is dangerous.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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