Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize