she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
