Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
