Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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